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X-Treme Latin (Lingua Latina Extrema)
In staff meetings and singles bars, on freeways and fairways-there are aggravating people lurking everywhere these days. But bestselling humorist Henry Beard has the perfect comeback for all prickly situations, offering a slew of quips your nemesis won't soon forget, or even understand. Henry's gift is his ability to make fun of popular culture and the current zeitgeist. In X-Treme Latin he provides Latin with an attitude, an indispensable phrasebook that taps the secret power of Latin to deliver, in total safety, hundreds of impeccable put-downs, comebacks, and wisecracks. Within its pages you will learn how to insult or fire coworkers, blame corporate scandals on someone else, cheer at a World Wrestling Entertainment match, talk back to your computer or Game Boy, deal with your road rage, evade threatening situations, snowboard in style, talk like Tony Soprano, and much more. With dozens more zingers for quashing e-mail pranks, psyching out your golf opponent, giving backhanded compliments, talking back to the television, and evading awkward questions, X-Treme Latin is destined for magnus popularity and will have readers cheering, "Celebremus!"
Henry Beard X-Treme Latin (Lingua Latina Extrema)
Series: Latin for All Occasions
Although I did the original Latin composition for the first draft of this book, my translations have been extensively corrected, meticulously polished, and felicitously rephrased by J. Mark Sugars, Ph.D., without whose assistance I would have been in merda profundissima (very deep doo-doo). Thus, to the extent that the classical constructions herein are historically appropriate, grammatically accurate, and culturally apt, it is he who deserves the imposing, but tasteful, triumphal arch on the sunny side of the Forum, just below the Palatine Hill. If, however, there are any errata ignominiosa (boners), it is I and I alone who should be exiled to the remote, windswept tip of some godforsaken island inhabited by rude barbarians. (The Hamptons will do nicely.)
That said, I have to confess that even the most dedicated Latin purist inevitably succumbs to the temptation to make a cheap joke at the expense of the noble tongue of Rome ’s golden age, and I am no exception. Therefore, in the interests of scholarly integrity, I am compelled to concede that there is no Latin verb “geronimo, geronimare” meaning “to express an intention to act boldly or rashly,” say, just prior to jumping off a bridge, and if a Roman diner wished to remark, “I will recommend this restaurant,” “zago, zagas, zagat” is not the way he would have phrased it. The rest of the Augustan yadda-yadda (“iaddo, iaddere, iaddedi, iadditum”) is as kosher as we could make it.
Oh, all right. Yadda-yadda is actually blatero, blaterare. Sheesh.
It’s often said that Latin is a dead language
Lingua Latina saepe dicitur mortua esse
LEEN-gwah lah-TEE-nah SIGH-pay DEE-kih-tuhr MOHR-too-ah EHS-seh
It’s just been taking a long nap
Modum iam pridem meridiatur
MOH-duhm yahm PREE-dehm meh-ree-dih-AH-tuhr
And it’s been talking a lot in its sleep
Iam diu autem multa verba facit dormiens
Yahm DIH-ooh OW-tehm MOOL-tah WEHR-bah FAH-kiht DOHR-mih-ehns
In fact, you can’t get it to shut up
Re vera, non potes eam in silentium redigere
Ray WAY-rah nohn POH-tess EH-ahm ihn sih-LAYN-tih-uhm reh-DIHG-eh-reh
Look around-Latin is all over the place, like a cheap toga
Circumspice-Lingua Latina se pandit ubique tanquam toga qwevilis
KEER-kuhm-spih-keh-LEEN-gwah lah-TEE-nah say PAHN-diht ooh-BEE-kweh TAHN-kwaum TOH-gah WIH-liss
Lawyers use it to screw you
Iurisperiti ea utuntur ut te defraudent
Yoo-riss-peh-REE-tee EH-ah uh-TOON-tuhr uht tay deh-FROW-dehnt
Doctors use it to scare you shitless
Medici hac lingua utuntur ut alvum evacues ex metu
MEH-dih-kee hock LEEN-gwah uh-TOON-tuhr uht AHL-wuhm ay-WAH-koo-ays eks MEH-tooh
Politicians use it to hide their tracks while they rob you blind
Magistratus ea utuntur ad operienda vestigia cum te despoliant
Mah-gihs-TRAH-toohs EH-ah uh-TOON-tuhr ahd oh-pehr-ih-AYN-dah wehs-TEE-gih-ah kuhm tay deh-SPOH-lih-ahnt
Priests use it to weasel their way out when they get caught playing hide-the-sausage with the altar boys
Sacerdotes in stupro cum acolytis deprehensi ea utuntur ut se criminibus absolvant
Sah-kehr-DOH-tays ihn STOOP-roh kuhm ah-koh-LEE-teese day-preh-HAYN-see EH-ah uh-TOON-tuhr uht say krih-MIHN-ih-buhss ahb-SOHL-wahnt
Even garden supply stores use it to get you to buy overpriced, short-lived houseplants
Etiam venditores rerum hortensium ea utuntur ad persuadendum tibi ut emas maximo pretio plantas vitae brevis
EH-tih-ahm wehn-dih-TOHR-ace RAY-ruhm hohr-TAYN-sih-uhm EH-ah uh-TOON-tuhr ahd pehr-swah-DAYN-duhm TIH-bee uht EH-mahs MAHK-sih-moh PREH-tih-oh PLAHN-tahs WEE-tye BREH-wihss
The fact is, for too long these dirtbags have had a monopoly on this mighty tongue
Diutius quidem haec propudia monopolio huius magnifici sermonis fruuntur
Dih-OO-tih-uhs KWIH-dehm hike proh-POOH-dih-ah moh-noh-POH-lih-oh HOO-eeh-uhss mahg-NIH-fih-kee sehr-MOH-nihss frooh-OON-tuhr
But now, thanks to this little book, you too can tap the awsome power of Latin to dismay the ignorant multitudes
Nunc vero, huius libelli gratia, tu quoque potentia reverenda linguae Latinae uti potes ad indoctum vulgus consternandum
Nuhnk WAY-roh, HOO-eeh-uhss lih-BEHL-lee GRAH-tih-ah, too KWOH-kweh poh-TAYN-tih-ah reh-weh-RAYN-dah LEEN-gwigh LAH-tih-nigh OO-tee POH-tehss ahd ihn-DOHK-tuhm WUHL-guhs kohn-stehr-NAHN-duhm
And best of all, you’ll be able to insult and abuse one and all in perfect safety, using a language that everyone respects but practically no one understands
Atque haec est optima ratio omnium: maledicere cunctis hominibus et contumeliam imponere satis impune poteris verbis augustis quae cum omnes magno aestimant, tum nemo ferme intellegit
AHT-kweh hike ehst OHP-tih-mah RAH-tih-oh OHM-nih-uhm: mah-leh-DEEK-eh-reh KOONK-tees hoh-MIHN-ih-buhss eht kohn-tuh-MAY-lih-ahm ihm-POH-neh-reh SAH-tihss ihm-POO-neh poh-TEH-rihss WAYR-beese ow-GOOS-teese kwy kuhm OHM-nays MAHG-noh EYE-stih-mahnt tuhm NEH-mo FAYR-meh ihn-TEHL-leh-giht
And as you pepper your speech with catapult-powered put-downs, remember the immortal words of Maximus as he signaled the attack in Pannonia
Itaque cum spargis orationem tuam praepotentibus opprobriis, memento verborum immortalium quae Maximus fecit signum dans in Pannonia:
Ih-TAH-kweh kuhm SPAHR-ghiss oh-rah-tih-OH-nehm TOO-ahm prigh-poh-TAYN-tih-buhss ohp-PROH-brih-eehs, meh-MEHN-toh wayr-BOH-ruhm ihm-mohr-TAH-lih-uhm kwigh MAHK-sih-muhss FAY-kiht SIHG-nuhm dahns ihn Pahn-NOH-nih-ah:
Solve lora infernis!
SOHL-weh LOH-rah ihn-FEHR-nihss!
And have a nice day!
Et futue te ipsum!
Eht FUH-too-eh tay IHP-suhm
Latin Terms in Modern English
Basic Latin Pronunciation Guide
a if long, as in “blah”; if short, as in “rub-a-dub”
e if long, as in “ol é”; if short as in “feh”
i if long, as in “ ’zine”; if short as in “zit”
o if long, as in “d’oh”; if short as in “not”
u if long, as in “dude”; if short as in “wassup”
There is really no simple way to tell if a vowel is long or short, but if the word is short-one syllable-treat the vowel as short. The last syllable of verb endings are almost always short. If a, i, o, or u, come at the end of a word, they’re long; if e comes at the end of a word, it’s short. If a vowel is followed by two consonants, it’s long. For other situations, pronuntia utrolibet modo! (wing it!)
ae as in “Thai”
au as in “ouch”
ei as in “hey”
eu as in “hey, you”
oe as in “goy”
ui as in “ptui”
b, d, f, h, l, m, n, and p are the same as in English. So are k and z, which are rare in Latin anyway. j, w, and the consonant y don’t exist in Latin.
c, ch always “k.” That’s a KIGH-sahr salad you ordered. You want ANN-koh-veese with that?
g, gn always “guh.” The Romans were fighting the GUHR-mahns, not the JUR-mahns, and when they gave the signal to attack, it was a SIHG-nuhm (trumpet blast) not a SEE-nuhm (large bowl).
i always “yuh.” It’s thanks to YOO-lih-uhss (not JOO-lee-yuss) that we celebrate the fourth of July instead of the fourth of Quinctil.
r you can rrroll your r’s even if they’rrre the last letterrr of a worrrrd.
s always “sss.” The Roman fanss (not fanz) were animalss (not animalz).
t, th always “teh.” Teh-hey teh-rew teh-hings at eak ot-teh-her during teh-he nah-tih-oh-nahl (not nashunal) ant-hem (not anthum).
v always “w.” The wolcano that waporized Pompeii was Weh-SOO-wee-uhss.
There are no silent letters in Latin-every vowel (unless it’s part of a two-syllable dipthong) and every consonant is always pronounced fully, and often separately. Of course, there are also no actual Romans around to give you the stink-eye when you mess up.
Puellae filiae agricolarum sunt
The girls are the daughters of the farmers
Puellae pulchrae sunt
The girls are pretty
Puellae nautas in via spectant
The girls see the sailors in the street
Nautae pulchri sunt
The sailors are hunks
Puellae nautas salutant
The girls say hello to the sailors
O malam fortunam! Nautae male mares sunt
Too bad! The sailors are homos
Nautae ad puellas digitos impudicos porrigunt
The sailors give the girls the finger
Puellae nautas appellant
The girls call out to the sailors
“Speramus naviculam misellam vestram ad scopulum adlisam iri summersum”
“We hope your stupid boat hits a rock and sinks”
Puellae in forum descendere destinant et ibi mercimonium furari
The girls decide to go down to the mall and shoplift some stuff
Omnes paucis annis prosedae erunt
In a few years they will all be hookers
(answers below-responsa recta in ima pagina)
All Gaul is divided into____________________parts
Gallia est omnis divisa in partes____________________
Capture a Gaul and torture him until he tells you
Torque Gallum captum donec tibi respondeat
Arms and the man I sing, who first from the shores of____________________…
Arma virumque cano____________________qui primus ab oris…
Sacrifice a bullock to Jupiter so the test gets canceled because the teacher was struck by lightning
Immola Iovi iuvencum ut magistro tacto de caelo probatio relinquatur
III. EXTRA CREDIT – QUAESTIO ADDITA PRAEMII GRATIA
Whatever it is, I fear the Greeks even when bearing____________________
Quidquid id est, timeo Danaos et____________________ferentes
carunculas veribus fixas
stuffed grape leaves
folia vitis oryza farta
Send a slave over later with the answer, and if he gets it wrong, lop off his ears
Mitte brevi postea servum qui responsum referat atque si erret praecide aures ei
I., E; II, E; III, E.
ROMULUS: Why did the sacred chicken cross the Appian Way?
ROMULUS: Quem ob rem pullus sacer viam Appiam transivit?
REMUS: I do not know. Let us cut it open and see if the entrails provide an explanation for this inauspicious behavior!
REMUS: Nescio. Eum evisceremus ut, extane ostensura sint illius infausti facti causam, comperiamus!
ROMULUS: Why do Roman firemen wear red suspenders?
ROMULUS: Cur gerunt siphonarii Romani retinacula rubra?
REMUS: I do not know-let us set the city ablaze and see if their pants fall down!
REMUS: Nescio. Urbem incendamus ut, sintne delapsurae bracae eorum, comperiamus!
ROMULUS: Why did the Helvetian moron throw the water clock out the window?
ROMULUS: Quare iecit caudex Helvetius clepsydram de fenestra?
* Why did the sacred chicken cross the Appian way?
** I do not know. Let us cut it open and see if the entrails provide an explanation for this inauspicious behavior!
*** I growl
REMUS: I do not know, but I feel certain that after ten years chained to an oar as a galley slave he will be eager to reveal the reason for his rash act!
REMUS: Nescio; pro certo tamen habeo istum, decem annos vinctum in servitio ad remum intra navem longam, cupidum futurum revelare rationem sui temerarii facti!
Faster than a speeding chariot…
Celerior quam currus festinans…
More powerful than a Carthaginian war-elephant…
Valentior quam elephas bellicus Punicus…
Able to conjugate irregular verbs without making a single mistake…
Potis anomala verba sine lapsu declinare…
T-shirt Slogans-TITULI TUNICALES
Pick your nose
Catch some “z’s”
Let’s grab a beer
Beware of work
MORANS FAC PAUSAM UT SEDES BIROTARUM OLFACIAS
Take time to stop and smell the bicycle seats
PUTEO ERGO SUM
I stink, therefore I am
VENI, VIDI, VOMUI
I came, I saw, I blew lunch
SOLVE LORA INFERNIS
OSTENDE MIHI PECUNIAM
Show me the money
PARENTES MEI DIMIDIUM EUROPAE DESPOLIA VERUNT. EGO TAMEN NIL ACCEPI PRAETER HANC TUNICULAM MISELLAM
My parents plundered half of Europe and all I got was this stupid T-shirt
ABES ETIAM A CONSILIO INSULTANDI MIHI NISI LATINE LOQUI SCIAS
Don’t even think of dissing me unless you speak Latin
ILLUC IVI, ILLUD FECI
Been there, done that
I’d rather be pillaging
I’m dumb and I vote
Hebes sum et suffragia fero
My child can beat the crap out of your wimpy honor student
Filius meus puerum tuum studiosum laureatum mollem deverberare potest
Thank you for not thanking me for not smoking
Tibi gratias ago quod mihi gratias non agis quod fumum non comedo
Visualize world conquest
Habe ante oculos devictionem mundi
Keep honking-I’m reloading
Perge cornu canere-sclopetum repleo
Horn broken-watch for finger
Buccina fracta-exspecta signum digiti impudici
Barbarian on board
Barbarus in curru
Proud of our brutal police
Vigilitus nostris crudelibus gloriantes
Stop the aqueduct, save the unicorns
Sistite constructionem aquaeductus ut conservetis unicornes
I brake for lunch
Frenos inhibere soleo pransurus
Don’t blame me-I voted for Miss Piggy
Nolite me culpare-Suffragatus sum Erae Porcellae
Jesus loves you-everyone else thinks you’re an asshole
Te amat Iesus-ceteri te putant irrumatorem
If you can read this, I lost my trailer
Si hoc potes legere, traheam meam amisi
Celebrity Shark Attack
Impetus Pistricum in Insignes
Supermodel Food Fight
Pulcherrimae Inter Se Luctantes Edulibus
Beach Babe Lapdance Showdown
Certamen Ultimum Saltandi Nympharum Litoralium in Genibus Virorum
Blow Job Island
Nationwide Red Alert Hot Bod Strip Search
Inquisitio Summa Cum Vigilantia Per Omnes Nationis Partes Diffusa Corporum Formosiorum Nudatorum
Meet the Organ Donors
Salvete, O Daturi Membra Post Mortem
Baby-sitters from Hell Bring Home Animals that Kill for Fun
Nutriculae Infernales in Domos Adducunt Feras Quae ad Delicias Interficiunt
Big Fat Slobs Eat Shit for Cash
Helluones Squalidi Merdam Pro Nummis Comedunt
Who Wants to Marry a Rich Old Fart with a Terminal Disease?
Quis Vult Nubere Peditori Capulari Diviti?
That’s a load of bull, and you know it!
Merae fabulae sunt, et eas esse tales scis!
You wouldn’t know a fact if one hit you on the head!
Rem veram non cognoscas etiamsi frontem tibi feriat!
You’re a liberal stooge!
Pedisequus parasiticus es popularium!
You’re a right-wing moron!
Stipator stultus es optimatum!
See you next week!
Vos revisemus post septimanam!
Bass-fishing- Piscatus Percarum
Let me guess-you have to drink the beer to make room in the ice chest for all the fish you catch
Ut coniecturam faciam-necesse est tibi bibere cerevisiam ut locum in cista glaciei des piscibus captis
It’s a keeper!
Licet mihi hunc retinere!
Stock car racing- Certamen Curruum Generalium
When are they going to start running into each other and blowing up?
Quando inter se collidentes incipient in flammas dirumpi?
Something tells me that the mean-looking bearded guy dressed up like the Ayatollah is no match for the wily Captain America
Suspicor illum truculentum barbatum ritu archierei Persici vestitum non esse comparem Centurioni Americano vafro
Ictus in os! Prostratio!
Bungee jumping- Saltus de Ponte
How dumb would you have to be to jump off a bridge with a rope tied to your foot?
Quam vecors sit is qui de ponte saliat pedibus funiculo ligatis?
Snowboarding- Super Nivem Labi
Hey dude, let’s head to the halfpipe, catch some major air, and stick some tricks!
Heus, laute, contendamus ad canalem nivalem ut aerem oppido capientes nonnullas technas exsequamur!
Super rad! I’m stoked!
Maxime radicitus! Flagro!
The Olympics- Olympia
I’ll vote for the Greek in the wrestling if you vote for the Roman in the chariot race
Graeco palmam dabo in certamine luctandi si Romano palmam dabis in certamine quadrigarum
Fiat haec pactio!
You want a part of me? Bring it on!
Visne partem mei capere? Comminus agamus!
Are you dissing me?
Insultasne tu miki?
You’re yesterday’s news
In actis diurnis iamdudum es celebratus
Mox corvos pasces
You don’t know your ass from a catacomb
Non possis distinguere tuum podicem a Puticulis
Your mother is so fat, when she’s in town, Rome has eight hills
Mater tua tam obesa est ut cum Romae est, urbs habet octo colles
* Your mother is so fat, when she’s in town Rome has eight hills
** Kiss my basilisk!
Your mother is so ugly, when the gods turned her into a pig, she thought her prayers had been answered
Mater tua tam turpis est ut cum di eam mutaverint in porcam, suas preces putaverit eos audivisse
Your mother is so stupid, when she found a coin with Caesar’s name on it, she tired to return it to him
Mater tua tam stulta est ut cum invenerit nummum ferentem nomen Caesaris, huic eum restituere conata sit
Go ahead, punk-make my day
Age, catamite-fac mihi hunc diem felicissimum
Let’s party hearty!
Wet T-shirt contest!
Certamen inter mammosas tunicis madefactis vestitas!
Go ahead, card me. See, I’ve got a Latin ID. I’m 2,000 years old.
Age, scrutare chartam identitatis meam. Ecce, est mihi syngraphus Latinus. Duo milia annorum sum natus.
I’m going to hurl!
Si Telephonium Non Tintinnat, Ego Voco
If Your Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me
Causam Tibi Dabo Bibendi
I’ll Give You Something to Drink About
Quomodo Una Nocte Facta Tam Turpis Es?
How Did You Get So Ugly Overnight?
Si Dies Hodiernus Esset Piscis, Reicerem
If Today Was a Fish I’d Throw it Back
Mater Cape Malleum, Musca Sedet in Capite Patris
Mother Get the Hammer, There’s a Fly on Papa’s Head
Si Me Deseras, Liceatne Mihi Te Comitari?
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
Quomodo Te Desiderare Potero Si Non Discesseris?
How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?
Per Anulum Illa Trusit Digitum Medicinalem, Ac Ostendit Mihi Digitum Medium
She Got the Ring, and I Got the Finger
Tu Causa Es Cur Liberi Nostri Tam Turpiculi Sint
You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
Sine Te Tam Miser Sum Ut Videaris Etiamnunc Adesse
I’m So Miserable Without You It’s Like Having You Here
Caput Dolet, Pedes Fetent, Iesum Non Amo
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don’t Love Jesus
Nothin’, watching the game
Nihil ago, ludos specto
It’s off the hook
Ab unco remotumst
Talk to the hand, the face don’t understand
Adloquere manum, facies nescit quid velis
Black togas are cool
Togae atrae lepidae sunt
Want to see my sword collection?
Vin’ aspicere collectum gladiorum meum?
I’m thinking of taking a catapult into the school cafeteria…
Cogito ferre catapultam in cenationem scholae…
Make love, not war-hell, get married, do both
Suscipite amorem, non bellum-eheu, iuncti matrimonio, suscipite utrumque
Procrastina rem nunc
Flush twice, it’s a long way to Texas
Evacua cratera latrinalem bis, Texas procul est
If it has tits, tires, or testicles, it’s nothing but trouble
Mammeatae, rotalia, testiculati, omni modo molesta sunt
Gods are dead
Di mortui sunt
Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder
Cervesia pota, pulchritudo cernitur
Yankee, go home-and take me with you
Americani, redite domum-ducentes me vobiscum
If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Si quidem animalia nobis edenda non sunt, quare constant ex carne?
There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can’t
Sunt genera tria hominum: illi qui numerare possunt, et illi qui non possunt
It is as bad as you think, and they are out to get you
Res tam malae sunt quam putas, et inimici re vera te persequuntur
Why don’t psychics ever win the lottery?
In sortitionibus donativis, cur numquam praemia consequuntur sortilegi?
Aunt Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog-Dorothy
Amita Aemilia: Te Kansiamque odi, Canem mecum abduco-Dorothea
If walking is so good for you, why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut?
Si quidem pedibus ire tam salubre corpori est, cur similis est noster tabellarius forma illi Iabbae Hutico?
Interfice Arcturulum, istum mimum personatum portentosum purpureum palaeozoicum
Where did you learn to drive-fleeing from Huns?
Ubi didicisti gubernare currum? In fuga ab Hunnis?
That’s it, numbnuts. Pull out in front of me, then slow down when you get to the light.
Euge, enervate eunuche! Ingredere in orbitam meam prae me, tum reprime cursum cum biviali lucernae approprinquas.
Now speed up when I try to pass you, and as I go by, give me the finger.
Nunc, accelera cum conor te praeterire, mihique praetereunti ostende digitum impudicum.
Okay, tailgater-time for a brake check
Em, ichneumon-tempus est sufflamina temptare
Big car, little dick
Currus magnus, mentula minuscula
You know what S.U.V.s and hemorrhoids have in common? Every asshole has one.
Scisne quid commune superlativa urbana vehicula cum haemorrhoidis habeant? Est unum ex his utrisque malis cuique pathico.
* That’s it, numbnuts! Pull out in front of me, then slow down when you get to the light!
** Where did you learn to drive? Fleeing from Huns?
Lady, if you’re going to sit there all day yakking on your cell phone, why don’t you stick a steering wheel on your living room wall and just stay home?
Muliercula, si vis ibi sedens garrire totum diem in Nokiam tuam, quidni rotam adfigens gubernalem ad murum conclavis domi maneas?
What are you saving those pretty little turn signals for-Christmas?
Quod ad tempus reservas ista lumina pulchella praemonitoria-ad Saturnalia?
No, Mr. Busybody, I am not handicapped, but you will be if you don’t move your nosy butt out of that parking place, pronto
Minime, ardelio, nullo modo debilis sum, sed fies tu quidem, si clunes tuas curiosas non removeris protinam ab illa statione
Don’t boot my car!
Noli caligam in rotam currus mei adfigere!
I am too allowed in the car pool lane! See, I’m not alone. I suffer from multiple personality disorder.
Certe mihi licet vehi in orbita seposita curribus repletis. Ecce, non solus sum. Legio mihi nomen est, quia multi sumus.
There are three of us here. I want to drive! No, it’s my turn! No fair, what about me? Me me me!
Adsunt tres. Volo gubernare! Immo, ordo memet vocat! Iniquum est! Quid de me? Me me me!
Does that Breathalyzer have a Latin setting?
Potestne illa machina pneumatodocimastica ad linguam Latinam accommodari?
I have Vatican diplomatic immunity. If you give me a ticket, you’re going to end up cooling your heels in The Hague in a jail cell full of Yugoslavian war criminals.
Sedes Romana Sacra mihi diplomaticam immunitatem tribuit. Si me vocaveris in ius, aetatem tuam deges Hagae Comitis, conditus in carcerem refertum Iugoslavorum condemnatorum de bellum contra ius gentium gerendo.
Do you have nail-clipper-sniffing dogs?
Habetisne canes quae forficulas unguales olfacere possunt?
I think that guy with a napkin on his noggin has a catapult in his shoe
Credo illum mantelium in capite gerentem occultavisse catapultam in caliga
Hey, pal, is that carry-on luggage or did you just sack Carthage?
Heia, amice, utrum illae sunt sarcinae tuae, an modo Carthaginem despoliasti?
Say, miss, didn’t you used to work for Con Air?
Dic mihi, domnicella, nonne te conducebat aëria classis quae condemnatos transportabat?
You know, even galley slaves were served meals
Nempe cibus dabatur etiam servis navalibus
If there’s an accident, I’m going to charge people to use this exit
Si de caelo cadere incipiamus, vectores pretium pro usu huius exitus poscam
Your nose may fall off
Fieri potest ut nasus tuus decidat
You may develop hot-dog fingers
Fieri potest ut digiti tui formam tomaculorum sumant
Your head may explode
Fieri potest ut caput tuum displodatur
Your brain may turn to mush
Fieri potest ut cerebrum tuum liquefiat
You may start babbling in Latin
Fieri potest ut Latine blaterare incipias
II Lingua Latina MediaIntermediate Latin